After Military Separation, How to Truly Achieve Work-Life Balance

Whether your military career lasted four or 44 years, whether you served stateside or did multiple deployments, whether you wore the uniform or you’re married to a veteran, the idea of work-life balance is certainly appealing.

Over the 16 years I’ve worked in the military transition space, service members and military spouses have consistently expressed excitement at being able to finally have work-life balance, to prioritize family and social activities, to choose their new career path. They tell me that balancing their job and personal goals will help them feel more present and grounded.

Then they ask, “So how do you actually achieve work-life balance?” A very legitimate question.

What Is Work-Life Balance?

A Forbes writer explains work-life balance this way: “To some, work-life balance means the convenience of being able to manage a personal life during the workday, without the hassle of having to get permission or explain our activities to others. Another common definition of work-life balance is ‘equal time or priority to personal and professional activities.’ ” 

When we feel in balance, personally and professionally, we feel attentive, present, engaged and confident in the harmony of our personal and professional responsibilities and pleasures. Our job gets our attention. We can attend the kids’ soccer game. Our mental and physical health is prioritized. Everything feels balanced.

Work-life balance is not about everything being equal or 50/50 in terms of time, energy and resources. You might spend more time at work, but the quality of your time with family is improved, thus feeling balanced. You may need to put in long hours at work to push through a project sprint, then need to take extra time with family or enjoying hobbies to feel re-centered again.

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How Do You Achieve This Balance?

It can feel conflicting to prioritize your own interests: physical and mental health, family and social life, community and faith, and so on. In the military, your individual priorities were second to the mission’s goals. 

When you have work-life balance, when you can attend to your needs as well as your responsibilities, you are better able to help and serve others. Remember how the flight attendant advises passengers to put on their oxygen mask before trying to help others? The same works here. If you don’t tend to your needs and keep balance in your work and personal life, you’ll compromise your health and value to the organization.

To set work-life balance, these tips help:

• Communicate. Share with others that you need time with family or to exercise or for personal priorities.
• Allow for flexibility. A short-term work project that takes you away from your social commitments can be managed knowing that you’ll make up for the time away later.
• Set boundaries. Clarify your non-negotiables (e.g. I won’t travel away from family for more than 50% of the month) so you can have clear boundaries and know when a conflict might disrupt them.
• Be present when you’re in the different parts of your life. This includes work, community, family, etc. You’ll get the maximum benefit and can reassess how the balance works for you.

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What Can Threaten Work-Life Balance?

Several things can jeopardize our work-life balance, including:

• Believing that prioritizing your own needs and goals isn’t being a “team player.” Watch those around you who are doing it right: How are they balancing their lives and communicating their needs?

• Feeling like you must prove yourself by working extreme hours or compromising your boundaries. This is often a self-imposed, artificial notion.

• Unclear expectations or assumptions. If your boss or project leader isn’t spelling out what needs to happen, and by when, you might feel uncertainty in your work and ability to retain credibility, thus making you work long hours. I remember a boss I had who would text me late at night. Sometimes in the middle of the night! I would hear the text come in and felt I needed to reply, regardless of the hour. I didn’t realize that because my boss traveled, and was in different time zones, she didn’t expect a reply until it was the workday. The expectation wasn’t clear, and my assumptions were incorrect.

You may spend months or years working to get full work-life balance. Good communication and steady commitment to achieving equilibrium certainly make a huge difference!

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